Audition Anxiety

All actors deal with it. That moment right before a big audition when you have that moment of "Oh God. Don't suck!"

I kind of live there. Having an anxiety disorder means auditions weigh on me more than most other people. They get through the cold reading or their 16 measures, reflect, and move on. I sit and think over and over about what could I have done better; what could I have done differently. I may still get cast. I may feel like a million bucks after my reading, but my heart will be racing for hours hoping that I was memorable enough to make an impression on the director.

Most blogs you may read about auditions will profess how they are the hardest part of the 'acting process'. This is so true for so many people. Personally, I can sing at karaoke or in my car and sound amazing, but set me in front of a panel of people (even ones I know) and for some reason, my throat clams up like the first day of kindergarten and you don't have your favorite toy.

I have several things that I do to prepare myself for auditions to help keep my anxiety at bay. Here are a few:

1. I read the script. I think it is SO SO important to familiarize yourself with what you're auditioning for. This way when I go into an audition, it won't be a completely cold reading. I know what the theme of the play is and what my character's intentions are outside the three pages I was given.

I also like reading the script so I know that I actually want to perform in this play and have an idea of which characters would be the best fit for me.

For musicals, I listen to the Original Cast Recording and learn as much about the show as I can (if I haven't already seen it). I read about each of the characters and find which ones I would fit the best, vocally, physically, and in totality. I have a large binder filled with sheet music so I have plenty to choose from to fit the emotion of what I want to portray the best. I've been told in classes and by directors, it's not being the best singer (although it doesn't hurt), but being able to convey the emotion behind the character that is what is really looked for. While I work really hard on pitch and tone, expression is a great aspect that I focus on as well.

2. Meditation. This is hard because this is a learned skill. I have an extremely frantic brain so getting it to calm down and focus even for five minutes can be a challenge. But giving myself time, even right outside the theatre, to breathe and reaffirm that I'm doing what I love to do, always helps me feel more confident when I walk in the door. There are several apps and GIFS that help with breathing and focus. "Calm" is one that I use often to help me....well. calm down when my mind is truly racing.

3. Positive Affirmations. So this is my hokey gesture. It doesn't help everyone, but I

love them. I have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to making me feel happy (https://www.pinterest.com/maryslater88/happy-thoughts/). I adore bad puns and quotes that make me feel like I can do anything. They invigorate me. If I'm auditioning for something really special to me, I will take quotes from that show and make a vision board. I did this for "Beauty and the Beast", and although I did not get cast in that show, I walked into that audition feeling amazing, and have no regrets.

4. Phone a Friend. After the audition, I will call or text one of my best friends and talk through the experience. The good, the bad, and the ugly. This helps to put into perceptive what really happened, and keeps me from obsessing over details that the production team probably even notices. There are so many times when I'm sitting in a musical audition and after someone sings (sounding amazing), they'll sit next to me and tell me how awful it sounded. We are our own worst enemy. If they thought they sounded terrible after mastering those 16-measures, I'm probably not as bad as my brain is telling me I am.

5. Accept whatever the outcome is. Theatre is such a tricky field. It sometimes completely sucks when it's your passion and you don't really have control over your involvement in it. But know that if you do your best, that's all you can ask of yourself. Sometimes it's just not a right fit. One time I didn't get cast because I looked too old. There was nothing wrong with my acting. It wasn't that I didn't have talent. It was completely out of my hands. And the girl that got cast was AMAZING in the role and I was so happy that she got it instead of me, because she did such a great job. We are a community and although we want (and for some of us need) theatre to keep us going, it's important to support each other for their successes and know that they will be there for yours as well.